


A Little Close To Goodbye

by Mandibles



Series: In which both Shepard and Vega are dumbasses when it comes to love [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-17
Updated: 2012-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 22:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandibles/pseuds/Mandibles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan decides to pass the torch. For now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Close To Goodbye

Shepard wakes to the mother of a hangover and a glass of water and a glass of painkillers at his bedside. The words swim when he tries to read the note that’s left, but he manages to make out Vega’s name, and that’s enough for him to fall back into his pillow, groaning.  
  
What did he  _do_  last night?  
  
He remembers getting Wrex’s call, remembers the heavy bundle in the krogan’s thick arms, remembers being equal parts thrilled and miserable. Mordin should have been there to see it; it’s what he died for. Hearing the girl’s name only made it worse as he and Wrex exchanged half-smiles, said their goodbyes.   
  
He remembers wanting to get drunk, really, really drunk, and eventually getting what he wanted. Somehow Kaidan got dragged into his shenanigans, but isn’t that usually what happened? He should have been more cautious, more wary of anyone seeing Commander Shepard, the man with the entire galaxy on his shoulders, getting wasted on the Citadel, but he couldn’t find a single fuck in himself at the time.   
  
Then, it was just lights. Lights and music and bodies and sweat and an Asari that rubs up against him, a Turian that grabs his ass, a Krogan that he kisses and grinds against and wants to fuck so fucking badly and—  
  
Wait.  
  
Waaait.  
  
That wasn’t a Krogan.  
  
“Goddammit! Fuck fuck fuck fuck—”   
  
“Commander Shepard.”  
  
Shepard groans. “EDI! Tell me I didn’t! Please, please, please, tell me didn’t!”  
  
Silence.  
  
“EDI!”  
  
“I do not know what you are talking about, Commander—”  
  
“Don’t even lie to me! Did Vega and I—did we—”  
  
Another pause. “You have copulated in the past.”  
  
“Don’t use that word! I just—” Shepard scrubs at his face. “We did, didn’t we? I don’t remember . . .”  
  
There’s knocking somewhere.  
  
“Major Alenko is waiting outside.”  
  
“God _dammit_!” Shepard finds himself on the floor in a tangle of sheets and, sure enough, the doors hiss open at that moment. “Go awaaay,” he bemoans.  
  
Kaidan crouches beside him, lifts the sheet from Shepard’s face. “I warned you.”  _I was worried, you ass_ , he doesn’t say, but he doesn’t need to, because the furrow between his brow says it all. 

Still, Shepard scowls. “What do you want?”

Something flickers across Kaidan face, but Shepard’s too caught up in his throbbing skull to notice it. “Just wanted to make sure you got back in one piece.”

Shepard sighs, sits up. “Mm, yeah, I did. Thanks to Vega.” He grimaces at the thought, misses Kaidan’s wince in the process.

  
“Right,” Kaidan says slowly. He looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. Instead, he stands. “So, do you need anything? Water? Painkillers?” 

“Um.” Shepard stands and glances at his bedside, smiles sheepishly. Damn Vega for being a thoughtful bastard. “No, I think I’ve got it covered, actually.” 

Kaidan nods. “Okay, good. I—” He stops, ponders, licks his lips. “Commander. Can I ask you something?”

“Huh? Yeah, sure.” Shepard is already heading to his terminal. Hopefully nobody needing saving last night. He takes a sip of his water . . .

“Are you and Vega—”

. . . And, promptly spits it out.  
  
“What? No!”  
  
Kaidan raises his eyebrows. Shepard feels his face burn.  
  
“Well, we—I mean, I—” Shepard shrinks under Kaidan’s stare, plops at his desk. “We aren’t  _anything_. What gave you that idea?” he finishes lamely.  
  
A sigh. Kaidan walks over, lays a hand on the cracked showcase, his figure ships still jumbled. “It’s something you said last night.”

  
Shepard avoids his eyes.  
  
“And, you kissed him.”  
  
“You saw that.”  
  
“Hard not to.”  
  
 _He looks at you the same way I do._  
  
Who knew Kaidan was watching Vega, too?  
  
A pause. “Are you—”  
  
“I’m not— _that_ ,” Kaidan says quickly. “I just want to make sure that you’re okay.”  
  
Shepard chuckles. “Do you not approve of him? Not that I am dating him,” he adds.  
  
Kaidan shrugs, folds his arms. “He doesn’t seem your type. Not that you’re dating him, of course.”  
  
Shepard suddenly feels stupid.  
  
“We’ve slept together. Twice,” he finds himself saying. He wants to stop the words, but they keep coming. “I don’t—I mean, I don’t think I can do anything serious, you know? Not because I don’t like him! Well, I’m not completely sure I do like him—but, I—” He starts flicking through his messages, needing to do something with his hands. “He deserves someone better than me.”  
  
“ _What_?” Shepard flinches, his fingers hit keys. A message opens. “Anyone would be lucky to have you. In fact, that’s not even good enough to describe I mean. I don’t think  _he_ deserves  _you_ —”  
  
Shepard glances up. “Yeah, I get that. But, he needs someone who—I just don’t think I can be the kind of lover he needs. I don’t even think I can afford to have a lover with this war!”  
  
“Then, why don’t you turn him down? Tell him you aren’t interested.”  
  
“Because I  _am_  interested!”  
  
Kaidan stares.   
  
“Then, I don’t understand. What’s the problem?”   
  
 _You were the last person that I was in love with, that’s what._  
  
“I—I just can’t get distracted. I have to keep my priorities in order.”  
  
“Says the man who spent most of the night drooling over the bar.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
Kaidan smiles, claps Shepard’s shoulder. “It sounds like you could use something like this, though, Shepard. You can’t keep doing this on your own. You need someone to keep an eye on you and care for you. Someone who could understand.”  
  
Shepard’s skin prickles where that hand touches him. “Someone like you?”  
  
A pause.  
  
“Someone like Vega, too, if that’s what you prefer.”  
  
Oh.  
  
Oh, that hurts.  
  
He . . . He wants to apologize, to say  _something_ ; his mouth hangs open, ready for words, but nothing comes out. When Kaidan pats his shoulder once more and pulls away, he can’t bring himself to do anything.   
  
After a short awkward silence, Kaidan clears his throat “I should probably apologize for last night.”  
  
Shepard frowns, trying to sort through his still-scrambled memories. “For what?”  
  
“For taking off like that.” He scratches his chin. “That probably wasn’t the most mature thing to do.”  
  
Shepard doesn’t remember anything about that, but it explains why Vega was the one to bring him back. He settles on, “That’s all right,” for lack of anything else.  
  
“Thank you,” Kaidan says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “You know, what you decide on is up to you, but you have to talk to him,” he says as he begins to leave.  
  
“Wait.” He stops. “Why bring this up now?”  
  
A sigh. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t think we have the time to dwell on little things like this.”  
  
“Then, are you—are you really okay with this?”   
  
It takes a second, then Kaidan steels his jaw.   
  
“Permission to speak freely?”  
  
“Always.”  
  
“He just better be good to you, Commander. Or he’ll hear from me.”  _I’ll break him._  
  
He finally leaves and, after a long moment, Shepard, shaky, frantic, and barely able to breath under his headache, realizes that he just chose Vega over Kaidan. And, he isn’t entirely sure why.


End file.
